It's going to be a while
(And, unfortunately, Marco's back)
This one is in honor of my colleagues who, like me, have experience in a lab setting. There’s always at least one moment in every crime show when the science is WAY too easy.
The TV Science Lab:
Detective: We found this hair at the crime scene. We need to know who it belongs to!
Lab tech: I can have the result in 5 minutes.
Detective: You have 30 seconds!
Lab Tech: (Sighs and puts down meatball sub; loads hair into vial and puts vial into machine that looks like a large espresso machine with neon lights): It's analyzing now.
{Espresso machine whirs and buzzes; a piece of paper pops out of an inkjet printer with food stains on it}
Lab Tech: (Grabbing paper after taking huge bite of meatball sub) Hmm, this is odd.
Detective: Let me guess, no match.
Lab Tech: No, I was talking about my sandwich. The sauce tastes different. Marco must be back. But, I got a match on your hair. Known criminal. Lives at home with his mom. According to these results, he's there now. And he's asleep.
Detective: Thanks, I owe you one.
Lab Tech: Yeah, you do. (raises voice as detective hurries from room). You owe me several! (looks with obvious disappointment at sub sitting on desk). Welcome back, Marco.
The Real Science Lab:
Detective: We found this hair at the crime scene. We need to know who it belongs to!
Lab tech: Hair analysis takes 36 hours. IF we pass system suitability, which happens 7% of the time. Plus the Hair Analyzer has been acting up, might need to have a service call; there's one service tech, and he's based in Argentina. Assuming that we get it running, we'll have preliminary results no earlier than Friday of next week, and the results will then have to be reviewed by QC and QA. And QA is at a team-building conference. Best case, you'll have your results three weeks from Thursday if all goes well. But I'll be on vacation then, so you'll need to ask someone else for the results. No idea who will be in.
{Killer escapes to Argentina}
Thank for reading! Hope the sauce on all of your subs is the good stuff!
