Less Desirable "Character" Awards

Like happens often this time of year, my kids’ school gave out “character” awards as a way of honoring the hard work and unique personalities of the children. In our case, these were based on desirable traits of Bible characters (e.g. The Noah Award for leadership). I love it.

It did make me reflect, however, that there are some character traits found in the Bible, even among some of the Bible’s “best and brightest”, which may not make for a welcome “award” (but which might be justified, especially among adults?).

Here (IN GOOD, IF OBSCURE, FUN) are a few that come to mind:

• The Cain Award for being the worst brother anyone could have

• The John Mark Award for abandoning your friends

• The Balaam Award for literally having to be told that animals have feelings too

• The Nicodemus Award for being ashamed of being seen with a friend

• The Haman Award for being a natural-born schemer

• The Criminal on the Cross Award for always waiting until the VERY last minute

• The Korah Award for always questioning authority/rabble-rousing

• The Melchizedek Award for being frustratingly mysterious and just popping up places when you feel like it

• The Elisha Award for vastly overreacting when someone dares to criticize an age-related physical trait

• The Jacob Award for Impersonation with Intent to Defraud

• The Jonah Award for evidently wanting no one else to have a good time

• The Nephilim Award for apparently being really cool but going extinct like a big, heroic loser

• The Zechariah Award for going long stretches being weirdly quiet

• The Pontius Pilate Award for being a germaphobe/blame-aphobe

• The Adam Award for always getting us kicked out of really amazing places

• The Peter Award for going to great lengths to avoid paying your own taxes

• The Moses Award for thinking that hitting things with sticks is going to solve your problems

• The Aaron Award for waiting, like, 3 minutes after I leave to do something stupid!

• The Thomas Award for NEVER believing what I tell you. . . I have insisted, like, fifty times, that I’m telling you the truth! What do you need, a photo? Video? A notarized letter from God himself??! Ahhhhhh!!!!

• The Gideon Award for being, well, you know . . . you started out a little shaky, then you were great, and then, well . . . seriously, what should we make of you?

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