Things I did not learn in 2024

And, let's be honest, 2025 is not looking good

Listen to this post below!

Ignoring the impulse to over-explain the contrarian premise of this EOY post, to make sure, for instance, that the reader nots the “did not” in the title, I’ll get right into it, I guess.

• I did not learn a new language. I hadn’t really intended to, per se, but it’s always a vague aspiration. Among other things, alas, the impact of this failure is that this publication will remain solely an English-language one. Lo siento, mis amigos de habla hispana! (Confession: that last part was care of Google Translate, not my own knowledge, so I have to trust it’s appropriate:( )

• I did not learn to play the guitar. Or ANY guitar. Again, no solid intention to do so, but still. There are a couple of John Prine songs that I could be regaling my very disinterested family with in the new year, yet here we are. I’ll let John do the playing, while I sit and sing along, like a goober.

• I did not learn how not to become disengaged by disengaging people. I thought I’d have this down by now.

• I kind of learned that I can be the one doing the disengaging, but it’s a rudimentary knowledge at best. Another life skill for which I thought I’d at least have earned a Master Apprentice badge by this age, but, sadly, no.

• I did not learn how to do anything meaningful to keep my car running. And so, just last week I watched, yet again, the cheerful/smug young man at the oil change place spend all of 24 seconds plunking an air filter into the dash of my car that must have cost $8 to produce but for which his floating computer screen charged me $55. I guess Valvoline’s gotta eat. A goober AND a sucker.

• I did not learn how digital currency works. I’m old, so I’m afraid of this particular subject, and likely will never grasp it. The fear is not of the tech, as such, but of the surety that I’ll get about seven sentences into the explanation and experience a brain bleed because nothing in life will make sense again. I still don’t quite understand paper currency (it’s paper!), and feel like I’m stealing every time I tap my phone on a piece of plastic to pay for groceries, so Bitcoin is up there with dragons and kombucha. I’ll just take your word for it that they are real.

• I did not learn how to turn my phone off. I know there’s a button, and I know how to use it. It’s actually quite easy, technically. Yet, I cannot do it. Addict, to boot.

• I did not learn how to play Settlers of Catan. Two years running, harking back to an initial 20 minute family read through of the instructions, followed by a unanimous decision to play Phase 10 instead. It mocks me from the game closet. To be fair, it mocks us all.

• I did not learn how to fix the half-dozen non-operable bikes still hanging in our garage. The bicycle repair book I bought during COVID is somewhere around, untouched. I know about YouTube, by the way, but the printed bicycle word seemed quaint, especially in those ultra-plugged in days of the early pandemic. In any case, I have used neither.

• I did not add one iota of latitudinal understanding to my already scant knowledge of geography. And so passes yet another year of breaking into a cold sweat whenever my kids are studying for a geography test and there is even a hint that they may ask me for help. It’s in those moments that I thank the good and faithful Lord for parental fallback phrases like “Why don’t you tell ME where Montana is so YOU learn it” or “African countries change names on a daily basis, so who can say if “Kenya” is still even a country, let alone where it is?”

• I did not learn to control my fear when it comes to parenting, and thus faced too many instances of reacting poorly to challenges, perceived slights, poor decisions, and all the rest. I still tend to miss the forest of God faithfully leading a group of broken people through a sometimes-messy but often pretty great life for the rough, bent, ugly tree blocking the way at the moment. (Or something like that - I also did not brush up on metaphors.)

• I did not learn to love domestic animals or even like youth sports. Man, I seem the only one who not only doesn’t fully go bananas over these two gobblers of time, attention, and hard-earned money, but who finds them supreme sappers of joy and mental health. Add Curmudgeon to the list, for sure. (BTW, I’d almost rather opine on the situation in the middle east or write an essay on how Taylor Swift can be shown to be connected to the decline of Western society than admit that I don’t really like animals - I feel a bit brave for even bringing it up!)

• I did not learn how to make a decent coffee drink, even though we’ve had an espresso machine for two years now and live with a barista.

• Finally, I never learned a good way to end a post, a method of transitioning smoothly to a conclusion. I tend to rely on the odd callback, which I’m not sure always works. In any case, C’est La Vie! (which is my high school French serves, is something about delicious pastries.)

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Wishing you a 2025 with more opportunities for learning and fewer for youth sports! Blessings, friends.

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Photo by Monika Borys on Unsplash